I was supposed to be on my first date right now, but no. Instead I am sitting here, wondering why I fell for the same stupid trick all over again. I thought he was different, thought he actually cared. I don’t even care if we just ended up as friends. Just anything to make me feel like somebody actually cared. Nope. I woke up at 3:30pm (after staying up all night) checked my phone to see not a single text from him had come in. I shrugged because he did say he had doctor’s appointments and proceeded to start getting ready, and do my chores. Once 4:30 came around I found it a bit odd he hadn’t called or texted to let me know when he would be picking me up, so I sent him a text, “Hey are we still on for today?” waiting 15 minutes to no reply. I tried calling him, but no answer. I called 3 times, no answer.

So now, due to my low self esteem I believe he doesn’t want to be around me because I’m fat. I am ugly, and nobody will ever want me.

I sat here crying for a good solid ten minutes..you guys, my friends, wanted an update of my first date. This is it. This is not the first time I’ve been stood up like this, in fact, every time a guy has decided to even remotely pay attention to me, I always get excited and stupid over it. We plan a time to hang out, and he always ends up “busy” or just doesn’t show up at all.

I often say I don’t need a boyfriend and that I am content with the single life, well that is a bold faced lie. I honestly do feel completely alone, especially when I see people holding hands in the mall, or sitting with arms around each other at the movie theater. I long for that attention, I crave it.

Guess I have to accept that I’ll never have it.